


nightmares come and go, won't you stay with me

by Aotaru_Kimeru



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Guanlin, Fluff, Jihoon is a bit of a mess, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, PanWink - Freeform, Panic Attacks, first fic ever, laji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 20:19:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12154062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aotaru_Kimeru/pseuds/Aotaru_Kimeru
Summary: “Please.” The males whispers again as he watches a lone figure, tall, lanky, with broad shoulders and fair skin; the bearer of a gummy smile and eyes of adoration, that will no longer be directed towards him.“Please just stay”





	nightmares come and go, won't you stay with me

**Author's Note:**

> (See end for Notes.)

Backs are turned, faces blurred. One step after another the figures keep moving away. “Don’t go! Please.” The male tries to call out, voice so small, a choked, croaked plea, barely above a whisper. He tries to scream, wants to scream, for them to stay, but his cries are lost in the sea of mediaー tweets, headlines, comments, videos; of crying fans and the deafening radio silence he receives from his members. They all knew this was the inevitable end, yet they had chosen to live in the notion of a fantasy that promised forever, ignoring the expiration date that haunts them. 

 

“Please.” The males whispers again as he watches a lone figure, tall, lanky, with broad shoulders and fair skin; the bearer of a gummy smile and eyes of adoration, that will no longer be directed towards him. 

 

“Please just stay”

 

Figures turn to mere silhouettes and soon even those are gone, wandering off into the ocean, swallowed up by the waves like they never existed. He was all alone. A single tear rolled down his cheek. Even though he wanted to cry and scream and let his frustration and loneliness pour out of him, all he feels is numbness, so heavy it leaves him paralyzed. 

 

“We were supposed to be one. What I wanna do? All I wanna do is stay together. Forever.” He says. He always wondered what true loneliness felt like. Played around with the idea in his mind. Now he knew, standing waist deep in the gentle lapping ocean at 2 a.m. in the morning, not a soul in sight. 

 

He couldn’t breathe. 

 

It’s so cold.

 

He was drowning. 

 

_ You knew what you were signing up for. _

_ You knew this would never last. _

_ You knew they would all leave. _

_ You knew. _

_ Yet you chose to hope. _

_ Foolish. _

_ Yet you broke. _

_ Weak. _

_ And now, you’re all alonー _

 

“ーHyung” 

 

Jihoon jolts awake, coated in a sheen of cold sweat and hair in a disarray. His chest hurts, oxygen deprived. He tries to take a breath, but his futile attempt ends in a fistful of coughs mixed with hiccups and sobbing. He begins to panic. Clutching onto the sheets. Body twisted in pain. Forehead resting against his pillow. Everything feels too cramped, too hot, too much. He just wants it to stop. 

 

The warmth of a hand on his cheek startles him out of his thoughts. The touch, feather-light, brushes away the tears he never knew he had shed. His brain is fuzzy but senses hyper alert. He feels the whole world spinning around him, too fast. Yet he feels like he’s seeing the world one step behind, like he’s in a perpetual lag. Most of all, he feels the sudden urge to puke. 

 

“Hyung. Jihoon hyung. Look at me. Beathe. Come on. Just breathe. Everything’s going to be alright.” A face of concern enters his line of vision, and it takes him a moment to recognise it to be Guanlin. The younger’s brows were knitted together in worry. If Jihoon was in a better state, he would have laughed and made jokes about how somber his playful dongsaeng looks, he would have told him that if he kept frowning, he would become an old man. But for now, Jihoon just focuses on breathing. 

 

“That’s it, that’s it. There you go.” Guanlin whispers, expression softening. 

 

“Hyung. Is everything alright? Are you feeling unwell? Did you have a nightmare? What’s wrong? Is it the stress? Do you miss home? Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Guanlin-ah, it’s nothing” Jihoon mumbles. However, Guanlin doesn’t look convinced. 

 

“Hyung, you know you can tell me anything right? I’m right here.”  

 

Silence.

 

“Hyung, I’m not going anywhere, I’m here for you.”

 

Jihoon’s dream starts flooding back into his mind. It’s the third time he has had this dream in the 25 days since they’ve moved into their dorm. The first time he had the dream, he couldn’t quite remember the exact contents of the dream, just the distinct aching of his heart. The second time, he could recall pieces of his dream and had berated himself for thinking such negative thoughts, for thinking about the end when they had only just begun. Each time, he would wake up alone in his bunk bed, covered in cold sweat. The darkness that would surround him had only served to heighten his sense of loneliness. It wasn’t till he heard the muted murmurs of his members or the shifting of bodies in other beds, did the knot in his chest subside, but even then, he had felt awfully alone and afraid of the looming end. This was the first time he woke up with someone by his side. Jihoon had to admit, it felt nice, reassuring and safe. 

 

Jihoon moves his hand to rake his fingers through his hair, in an attempt to tame the unruly mess, only to feel a tug on his wrist. He looks down and sees the red string connecting him to Guanlin. He remembers the excitement of filming the first ‘Wanna One Go’ episode, where they were sprung with the surprise that they were to sleep while remaining connected.  _ Ah, that’s why. _

 

“Hyung, do you want to go get a drink of water and maybe some fresh air?”

 

“No, it’s alright”

 

More silence. Jihoon knows Guanlin is waiting. Jihoon knows how stubborn and hardheaded the younger male could get. He knows how caring Guanlin is and knows that he won’t just let this slide. 

 

“Jihoon hyung, ifー If you have struggles, you would tell me right?” 

 

The atmosphere is heavy and Jihoon’s throat dries up. Suddenly, getting a glass of water looks very appealing. But Guanlin’s clear eyes are determined, waiting expectantly. And as the seconds tick by, Jihoon sees the hesitation and wariness, sees the uncertainty creep in like a predator silently stalking its prey. Jihoon knows that if he keeps rejecting the other’s approaches, he'll recoil so fast, like a rubber band released from tension and he just might snap. Jihoon knows that the younger is probably questioning their relationship, wondering if he's crossed a line, wondering if Jihoon finds his constant approaches and show of affection annoying. Jihoon had realised that was how it turns out on camera. In all honesty, Jihoon cares a lot about Guanlin, probably cares too much about the image he has in the younger’s mind, an image of a role model. Jihoon doesn't want to break that. He doesn't want the other to see how weak he truly was.

 

“It’s really stupid. It’s nothing. I’mー I was just thinking about,” Jihoon sighs, “About afterwards. You know, after all this. It’s justー I’m really going to miss this.” 

 

Now it is Guanlin’s turn to remain silent, as he looks at the smaller male who had begun playing with his own hands, twisting them around nervously. On his face is an expression of dejection, as if admitting his worries aloud had resigned his fate and the fate of the group.

 

Guanlin reaches over and captures Jihoon’s hand within his own, intertwining their fingers. 

 

“Jihoonie hyung, I’m going to miss you too, a lot. I know what we have here is limited, but I don’t regret any bit of it. I’m glad we could debut together, I’m happy to have debuted with you, so I won’t regret a single moment. Instead, I want to make good memories together. So that when the time comes, we can smile and say that we had fun. Hyung, we will definitely stay in touch, even after we return to our own companies. I’m going to treat you to chicken every week, that’s a promiseー no, waitー probably every two weeks, or a month? Depends on how much money I have. I mean we can take turns treating each other to chicken. What I mean is we can still meet up, regularly even after we disband.”

 

The older smiles as Guanlin awkwardly stumbles over his Korean expressions, but nevertheless, Jihoon still feels the sincerity radiating off the Taiwanese boy. 

 

“Ya, Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon laughs, throwing a playful punch at the other’s shoulder, “Why are you suddenly acting so mature! You’re making me blush! Wahh so manly!” Jihoon says as he buries his face in the younger’s shoulder. Almost naturally, Guanlin loops his hands around Jihoon’s waist in a loose hug and once again Jihoon cannot stop himself from thinking that this felt nice. It felt right, hearing the sound of the other’s heartbeat and smelling the faint scent of Guanlin’s shampoo in their close proximity. 

 

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, enjoying the silence in each other’s company, before they were interrupted by a low rumbling noise. Jihoon immediately feels his face heat up, his heartbeat quicken and he feels more than hears Guanlin’s laughter through the vibrations of his shoulders. 

 

“Ya! How dare you laugh! All this talking about chicken probably just made me a little hungry. It’s your fault for talking about chicken!” Jihoon is pouting and trying his best to look angry, but Guanlin’s face is plastered with his ridiculous grin under the soft rays of the morning sunrise that began seeping into the room, and Jihoon’s heartbeats quicken for an entirely different reason altogether. 

 

_ I’m really going to miss this.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic, so please treat me kindly!! Hehe, Panwink just inspired me so much that I had to write a fic. Plus, there's not enough love for this pairing! (I feel like I've entered a road of no return and probably jeopardised my studies, but oh well~)
> 
> Sorry for any grammar mistakes (please tell me about them!!) as this is not beta-ed. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
